Sunday, January 16, 2005

Diapers, Cowboys, and Weed

Went to a local restaurant with Maisy a couple of nights ago. She had a salad and I had some of it. Then, we both started feeling really odd. She got giggly and confused, then very dizzy. I dropped into this panicky surreality where I didn't feel comfortable in my body, lost my appetite entirely, and became scared of everyone in the restaurant. We both picked up an inability to hold a conversation and were both frightened of having to talk to the waitress to get our bill.
My estimate: Some asshole cook threw pot in the ranch dressing. We were both quite put out and I had to come home and cool off before I started feeling semi-normal again.
Also, I went out to smoke just before that salad arrived and,as I turned to put out the cigarette, I discovered I couldn't because the ashtray was already taken up by a neatly rolled and taped diaper. It had little bears on it.
The next day in another restaurant, I went into the men's room and, as I stood appraising a urinal, this old cowboy walked in and had a conversation with me. It went as follows:
COWBOY [tired and with a sigh] Hey there.
RAY [pretending not to be uncomfortable]: Hey.
COWBOY [after a very exaggerated sniff]: Smoke a bowl?
RAY [with raised eyebrow]: Uh, no- that's all right. Thanks though.
COWBOY [waving RAY off]: Whatever, man.
Then I left the restroom and as I walked, I heard him inside shout out: YEAH!
That's all for now. I just wanted you all to know where my head's been lately.

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