Monday, January 09, 2012

Ah, Homework

In an effort to continue maintaining, in some form, this journal (I have grown quite boring in the past few years), I began, last year, posting various homework I was assigned at school.  The point of this was to share with the world the strange and bizarre things I've found I get away with, at school, and to post a few things here and there, assuring the three people who actually read this blog that I am technically alive. 

A new term has begun, and I am now going to be posting more homework.  For you.  Here is the first assignment:

ASSIGNMENT:  Write an introduction (about a paragraph) that will serve as your greeting to the class, describing yourself and your life, and explaining what you hope to take away from the class.  Feel free to submit a picture of yourself, as well.  Submit this introduction to the online discussion forum, and comment on two other introductions.


Subject:  Thank You for Reading This Post

"This first sentence is designed to expain that my name is Robin. In this second sentence, I would like to express not only a cordial greeting to all who may read these words, but also to make certain you all know that the world revolves around me and my incredible pectorals. In this third sentence, I would like to express that I have but one fault, which is that I often write sentences that are strangely self-aware, and that I am known, when the mood strikes me, to tell voracious lies. This fourth sentence is not self-aware, and I can tell you as much because I often speak the truth regarding sentences. I am 78 years old, 4'4" tall, involved in a polygamist marriage involving two wives, three husbands, several geese, and one rude, spite-eyed, ungrateful spider. That last sentence was not self-aware, but I still lied; I am 35, devastatingly awkward, full of remorse for my past indiscretions involving English and my proclivity for using 'aint' in academic papers. I can most often be found picking lice and other small parasites from Glenda, a female chimpanzee that is not one of my wives, but who may become one if she passes the initiation period and starts focusing more (she is so scattered and, sadly, quite lazy).

"My goal regarding this class is to dislodge some of the odd construction I've picked up over the years, regarding my sentence structures, and reinforce my grammatical core.

"While I find it unfortunate, it does seem as if one of my wife-geese is going to soon leave the fold, having chosen to migrate for at least the current season. I suppose she is tired of Coos Bay and would like to go south, see what else there is to the world, take a "gander" at things. Get it? A gander! Ah, that's funny. I can be funny, at times, ask any of my wives (but not my husbands; they're all drunks and they lie more than I do). At length, we are now introduced, so I will use this last sentence to end my introduction. 

"I lied; this was the last one."

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